Kids, without sounding too much like an episode of How I Met Your Mother (a sitcom you will probably never have heard of by the time you are able to appreciate this blog), I thought I’d document exactly what I thought of your father. Now take everything I say with a pinch of salt, because I may still be high from the full body massage and pedicure Dad organised for me two days ago..
So yes, while laying half-comatose, enjoying the miracle hands of the masseuse and mentally giving Dad a pat on the back, it really got me thinking about me and Dad, you two and Dad and just Dad in general. I realised that I don’t show it often enough to him, and I don’t say it often enough to you two – I love Dad so much, he is an amazing life partner for me, and he is an absolutely fabulous father to you. From the moment we knew we were going to be parents, Dad was excited and couldn’t wait to meet you. Liam, even though you looked like a bald martian at birth, you were still the apple of Dad’s eye. And Hannah, you were our unexpected gift from God, but Dad was over the moon from that first pee which confirmed your impending arrival. Hannah, you looked like Olive Oyl for the first few months of your life with your droopy eyes, but Dad said you were his princess, and scolded me anytime I made fun of you. Later I used to tell people you were a snob, because you preferred our company to anyone else’s, but Dad would admonish me anytime I called you anything but perfect.
There isn’t a thing your Dad can’t do, and some things he can do better than me. He could feed, burp, change a diaper and put you to sleep as if he’d been born to do it! As you both grew older and decided you wanted only Mum at night, Dad took on more of the daytime duties. You won’t find a more efficient bottle washer, and if there’s a catastrophe involving bodily fluid leakage on our beds or carpet, it’s Dad who comes to the rescue with his bucket of detergent. Dad gives way better aeroplane rides, his rubber arm is more easily twisted and he operates way better than Mum does on limited sleep.
Don’t be fooled, Liam you sometimes drive Dad crazy, he yells at you and he smacks naughty bottoms on time, but he is always the first to make up after a tiff and he never holds a grudge. You two enjoy kicking a ball together, Dad hopes you will take after his passion for the Beautiful Game. He teaches you silly words which you just mimick, much to my annoyance, and you guys have secret jokes that Hannah and I are always excluded from. On the weekends, you and Dad wash our cars and Dad lets you sit in the front seat and press the hooter. Dad takes you to school daily and on Fridays, he spoils you with a treat.. usually something that Mum would NEVER give you before breakfast.
Hannah, I don’t think Dad will ever give you a smack, so guess what, you stuck with me for hidings! You are his precious girl, and it seems you can do no wrong – YET. He has big plans for you to grow old with us and meet your husband at age 40. He doesn’t mind when you wake up before the sun and want to play, he doesn’t mind when you unroll a WHOLE roll of TWO PLY toilet paper just for fun, and he finds it all very amusing when you wet your hair (naughty girl!) and the bathroom floor with your splashing during bath time.
Your dad is my right hand man. I can comfortably leave the two of you with him, and do so confidently, because I know that he is the only other person who will look after you and love you the way I do (grannies and aunties are good for this too though!). We have sat up together into the wee hours looking after you two when you were sick. We have taken turns wearing the carpet out while trying to rock you to sleep on a bad night. He makes sure we always have what we need and makes life giving decisions for us, often to his own detriment. The best thing about your Dad is that he doesn’t keep score – of anything. He doesn’t mind losing a fight, he doesn’t mind changing the fourth dirty diaper in a row (even though he likes to act macho about it), he doesn’t mind me falling asleep mid conversation almost every night, he doesn’t mind spending his last cent on a silly toy that will be broken by the time we reach home, whereas I would rather buy myself Lindt chocolate with my last cent.
I want both of you to hold this information very dear, because as the years go by, you will find yourself at loggerheads with Dad, for many reasons – scraping his car, breaking curfew, being a bratty rebellious teen, (I WILL THRASH BOTH OF YOU!) to name a few. At times like these, I want you to remember how your father loves you, how he would give up his tv remote for you, and how the two of you became our very reason for living.