Hard lessons learnt this week…


This week has been tumultuous to say the least. There have been high highs and then some real low lows. I experienced a level of disappointment that I hadn’t felt in a very long time. And of course, when you are that disappointed, other things that happen alongside that disappointment affect you more than they normally would. And eventually you feel so low, that even a silly thing like not finding a matching pair of socks can send you into a flood of hot angry tears. Anyway, all is not lost. Thank goodness for a warm strong hand on your thigh and birthdays – all which are helping me to get through this patch. So here’s my week (and a bit) in bullet points:

 

  • The husband and I have been looking for a house for over a year. People think we are crazy when I tell them that we have been looking for a home for so long. There have been a few callous remarks about how fussy I must be, how I need to lower my standards and how I will never find the perfect home and there will always be something that will need to be “fixed” up to my specification. This is, in fact, not the case. Currently we live about 539 kilometres from where our lives are actually played out every day. Not that far, but that’s what the car ride feels like every morning and every afternoon. We both work in Woodmead, we go to church in Sandton, Liam goes to school in Wendywood. For those of you who don’t have a clue about Johannesburg geography – these three places are all within a 10 km radius. And it is at these three places that we spend most of our lives. YET. We live in Ruimsig, on the Westrand, which is a good 30kms away. So it makes sense to move closer. Right? Now let’s consider my family dynamic. I have two small children who require some growing space as well as a garden/yard to be let loose into. I have a live in helper who I will most definitely, never ever ever, live without. So at a minimum we need three bedrooms, with a servants quarters (that’s just what real estate call it, Zoleka is by no means considered a servant in my house!), with a yard big enough to kick a ball in. That’s it. Not that hard. But finding what we need, and more importantly, in our price range, has proved VERRRRY difficult! It’s not about being fussy, it’s about finding the right house at the right price. Anyway, to get to my point of this bullet point… last week I found my dream house. It was beautiful, I fell inlove with it the minute I stepped over the welcome mat at the front door. I don’t need to describe it, suffice to say that I could see myself and my family in this house. I wanted to live there so bad. I would have sold my wedding ring for that house – not because of its monetary value but its emotional value to me. I.LOVED.THAT.HOUSE. We put in an offer and we were so very convinced we would get it, even the estate agent assured us that our chances were good. We even met the owner! This week we learned that the house went to someone else. I was devastated. You know when the right house comes along, at the right price, in the right location and you can’t find one single fault with it and it just FEELS like home – and all this after looking at about a gazillion houses in the last year – and then you don’t get it. It HURTS!! Now we are back at square one, scouring the internet and newspapers, chatting to a host of estate agents as if they are old friends. It really was disheartening.

 

  • This leads me directly into bullet point number two. By mistake, we learned this week that out current place of abode would be going up for sale in August. We are renting in complex which was built and is owned by a company. Not one man. A company who are interested only in money, and not people. Every unit currently for rent, will go up for sale in August. We have no intention to buy, so this means unless we find a house REAL soon, we will be homeless by August. This would not have stung so bad, had I not just lost out on my dream home of course, but you know how easy it is for a mountain to form from a molehill when you’re feeling tender!

 

  • I don’t like to talk about work on my blog for many reasons. I know there are people at work who will read this and I do not, in any way, want to elicit a written warning for saying something that may be deemed inappropriate and not in line with the “company’s” policy on certain issues. Serious. So I best leave them out of my gripe, suffice to say that I’ve had to leave my desk to go and cry in the toilet more than once this week. Again, it probably wasn’t that serious, but I’ve been a little tender this week and as I said, every little fart does add to the mound of poo that we sometimes find ourselves in.

 

  • Then the absolute cherry on my pity party cake – both kids contracted Hand, Foot and Mouth Disease this week. When I received the notification about the outbreak from Liam’s school, I was terrified. It sounds serious, doesn’t it? After Googling, calling my doctor (yes, in that order) and chatting to the school principal, I learned that it was a common childhood illness, highly contagious, but not life threatening. It manifests itself in a rash and little blisters appearing on the soles of the feet, palms of the hands and in the mouth. It can be accompanied by fever, and of course loss of appetite due to the obvious pain in the mouth. In fact, the bigger concern with this illness is the possibility of dehydration in little people due to not eating or drinking, rather than anything associated with the disease itself. But of course, after the week I had been having, this hit me like a bomb over Hiroshima. ALSO, I had been having a real tough time with my kidlets this week – Liam has just been extremely difficult and I KNOW, I KNOWWW its jus the age he is at, and the incessant questions and disagreeing with everything I say is more his way of asserting some authority – not authority – asserting his independence, yes that’s the right word. Hannah will be two in a few months and needs no further explanation. It’s the start of the Terrible Twos in every way, shape and form. Sigh. So, with all this plus the “disease, ” I really felt like my life was over. Yes, that’s a bit dramatic, but you’ll understand that due to the chain of events, I was really feeling fragile.

 

Right. Now that all that is off my chest, let me just state that I am a reasonably cheerful, positive person. I try to find the silver lining in every cloud and for the most part, I do find it. I am also fairly rational and know that things happen which you have no control over, but that you have absolute control over your attitude. I believe that you play a big part in creating your own happiness and that although circumstances don’t always play in your favour, you choose how you deal with the situation you find yourself in. Reminds me of a book title from our Pastor at church: Pain is inevitable, misery is optional. But this week, what really got me through was my little family. My husband isn’t good with words, but he does this thing that immediately relaxes me, like a shot of morphine must do for a person in extreme pain. He puts his big warm hand on my thigh… not in a seductive way at all! In a warm, protective, don’t-worry, kind of way. It makes me feel like things aren’t so bad, that we’ll get through it together, it may seem silly, but that’s our thing and it works. There was a lot of hand-on-thigh moments this week. Then, of course, Liam had a birthday! I’ve said it before in a blog post and I will say it again, there’s no way that a cake with a few candles, with people singing out of tune, cannot make you giggle. It’s virtually impossible to be grumpy around a cake with lit candles. Liam had a birthday and it evoked all sorts of happy memories and it just warmed my heart to see how happy he was and it reminded me that amidst all the other sad stuff going on, there’s still full and complete joy in the really simple things in life. I believe that our perfect house is out there, perhaps getting a touch up, perhaps getting a paint or two, who knows, but I have no doubt that come August, we’ll be happily in our new home. Hand, Foot and Mouth Disease will go, and other things like Mumps and Measles will come, but even with sick babies and sleepless nights, we’ll still have birthdays and play dates and cuddles at the end of every day to make things better. I am glad this week is over. But I guess I needed it, for God to give me a swift kick up the rear, to remind me about what’s really important. This weekend, we’ll be homebound, trying not to infect anyone else with the “disease” and I intend to enjoy every moment with my disease-ridden family in our less than perfect home.

 

Have a wonderful weekend, friends! xxx

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6 thoughts on “Hard lessons learnt this week…”

  1. You need to be very careful what you say when you blog… The thought of you crying makes me cry! I still cry when I think of that fool vloeking you when you dinged his car! All that said, have the most wonderful weekend with those you love most! Enjoy snuggling and laughing and eating forbidden treats and watching movies… Have a good one! Love you! Xxxx

  2. “Help me Lord to accept the things I cannot change….”We grown stronger in these experiences and I thank God that you can rise shake off the weight and look to the One who knows our tomorrows. love you and wish I was there for you.LOOK UP!!xx

  3. Shame Robyn, it does sound like your week sucked! I so hear you on the finding a home thing. It’s tough! And that feeling of “coming home” has to be there when you walk into a house, if it isn’t it is not the right place for you or your family. That has nothing to do with being fussy but has everything to do with finding the right place to lay down roots for your family to grown.
    I hope this week is a better one!

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