Gone are the days when I could get away with feeding the kids porridge for dinner
You know those days when you just cannot be bothered to cook a separate meal for the kids so you give them cereal for supper? Yes? No? Not really? Well that’s how I roll. I’ve done it often, without a stitch of guilt I’ll have you know. Porridge is a good source of protein after all… the way I see it, it’s the same thing as feeding your kid a good piece of steak, so really the little baby should not be whining. Anyway, last night we had lamb curry for supper and usually I will ask Zoleka to cook a separate meal for the kids, but yesterday I completely forgot about the sprogs. So we got home and I pulled out the Weetbix but Liam was flabbergasted that I would even suggest Weetbix for supper. When did this kid grow up and understand the difference between food groups? He all but lambasted me for my bad judgment call and Daddy was forced to scramble some eggs and bake up some fish fingers for their supper.
Gone are the days when I could lie about Disney Junior and Cbeebies being broken
In order to get some viewing time, I used to tell them that their channels were broken and only mommy’s channels worked, so they’d have to go and find something else to do while mommy watched TV and stuffed her face in front of the box (again no guilt whatsoever). These days, it’s like they have channels 306 and 309 on speed dial. They can work the remote, almost as professionally as I can work the keypad on my phone. And yes, I have tried hiding the remote, but they know the source – and have no problems pressing every single button on the DSTV decoder until they find Jake’s gold doubloons (bet you didn’t know that’s what those gold coins are called?! I had to Google it).
Gone are the days when the policeman was one who was feared and revered
I used to love using SAPS in order to help me discipline the kids; I’d tell them that the big bad policeman would come over if they didn’t do X, Y or Z. It worked really well until Liam learned about job descriptions at school. Now he looks at me with a bored-to-death expression and tells me that policemen are there to help and protect people, not shout at small children.
Gone are the days when my words were gospel
Fridays are treat days and we usually stop at the garage on the way to work and let Liam choose a treat for himself (he always chooses jelly beans). But some Fridays we just don’t have time or energy or money to stop. On these days, I used to tell him that it was any day OTHER than Friday. This used to work pretty well, he would accept his mother’s words as gospel, as every child should. THESE days he knows exactly what day of the week it is, when I try to fib he reminds me by singing his Days of the Week song – a gratingly irritating tune that goes something like “Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, seven days are in a week and each one is a FUN day. Every day is a brand new staaaart, wave hello to Mr Sun as he rises, and wheeeeen the day is done, down goes the sun, tomorrow brings some new surprises!” That’s the short version, it goes on and on. Then he makes ME sing it because apparently I don’t know the days of the week because HOW could I have possibly thought that TODAY wasn’t Friday? Now pull over and get me my jelly beans.
Gone are the days when I could blog to my heart’s content.
These days I have to politely ask for some time to use MY electronics in order to blog, browse or bleat on Twitter. These kids are all over my iPad like a bad rash. The worst part is that they are better at using it than I am. They open and close apps with ease, they know all the short cuts, they know how to adjust the volume and they give me dirty looks if I so much as try to get Talking Tom Cat to repeat something silly that I blurt out over their one on one repertoire with the Kitty. The only thing I need to teach them is how to turn the cellular data off when they get going, so that they don’t start shopping up a storm while my back is turned. I mean really.
When James Brown sang “This is a Man’s World” he evidently didn’t know any children, because clearly this is a kid’s world. What I have noticed is that as my kids grow and their intelligence levels increase, my bionic mommy powers decrease: the roles are slowly switching… these children seem to be teaching this parent way more than this parent is teaching these children.