Even after two kids, there are still things that my children do which make me vomit a little in my mouth and believe it or not, it has nothing to do with poo or vomit. I just opened a banana and I dry heaved as I thought about what Hannah did last night, and that got me thinking about all the other things my kids do that totally gross me out. If you are squeamish, please stop reading now.
- Last night Hannah was eating a banana, she had it squashed and mulched between her chubby little fingers as per normal, then she sneezed and with her free hand, smeared her snot across her face, then swopped hands so that her banana was now in her snot hand, squashed that banana good and proper into the snot, then she ate it. I simply could not deal, I ran screaming in the opposite direction shielding my eyes and let her father sort it out. Gross.
- Keeping with noses, what’s with digging their noses and then taste testing? Gross.
- Eating grass and flowers I can deal with, but picking up an old stale chip off the bottom of the car floor. Gross.
- Putting their mouths OVER the tap when drinking water. Gross.
- Peeing in the bath water then taking who knows how many gulps during bath time. Gross.
- Liam sucking his thumb, then TOUCHING me with the same spitty finger… I can’t even tell you how this gives me the HEEBY GEEBEEZ. GRRROSS.
- Hannah brushing her teeth and then using the same toothbrush to brush everything else in the bathroom. Gross.
- A common one which freaks me out is snot on chins, cheeks and sleeves. I do not buy these tissues for nothing. Gross.
- Showing me the contents of their masticated food to indeed prove that they are eating. Just say YES when I ask you, you don’t need to show me. Gross.
- Laughing at bodily emissions is cute for like 5 minutes. Forced burps and farts are just not funny thereafter. Gross. (Although we still giggle at the sneaky ones which they emit, usually in queues or in church when I can see the non-parent bystanders turning all shades of embarrassed pink).
- And lastly, the bath water after a good day playing. GROSS.
Having toddlers is not for the faint-hearted. They WILL gross you out. And that’s before they’ve even pooped through their pants or projectile vomited across the room. Now that I’ve put you all off your lunch, I’m going to go and find some Valoid to settle my queasy stomach.