I don’t like water. Never have, and probably never will. It has no taste, it’s the same thing as eating cardboard – it’s a waste of time. I am not a complete idiot, I understand the health benefits of drinking water, but I just don’t enjoy it, and no matter how much I force myself, I really battle to get through my 1.5 litre bottle that I faithfully place on my desk every morning.
When I was pregnant, my husband would stand in front of me and force me to drink 8 glasses a day. He drinks well over 3 litres of water a day, he WISHES for water, who the heck wishes for water when you could be wishing for something so much more delicious… like a Coke or a milkshake or a smoothie? Water doesn’t quench thirst, what rubbish. Water just makes me feel bloated. Ginger beer quenches thirst, ok. I’ve tried mind tricks like using a 500 ml bottle instead of a big scary bottle that makes me feel defeated before I have even begun. I’ve tried pouring water into a glass from the bottle. I’ve tried buying cute water bottles and even bloody expensive Tupperware fancy bottles and most lately, a beautiful glass bottle. Ya, it doesn’t work, I’m just not that into you, water.
I can’t lie, when I do manage to drink a few glasses a day consistently, I immediately notice the difference in my skin. But I also notice the difference in my bladder. I mean WHO has time to be running up and down to the toilet during office hours? Water makes me pee like a race horse. I can drink equal measures of juice, and you won’t see me hobbling to the toilet with my hands between my legs because I need to go so badly. I’d quite frankly rather have bad skin and less potty breaks, than great skin which nobody ever gets to see because I’m always in the toilet.
If you like water, that’s great and I am happy for you. My mother goes to bed with a bottle of water – WHO in their right mind wakes up from their wonderful slumber in order to drink THAT? Give me a break. And no, adding strawberries, lemon or mint to your water does not make it any more drinkable, that’s just for aesthetics as far as I am concerned. The only thing that you can add to your water that will make me want to drink it, is Lecol Squeeze and Drink or W. Daly or Halls.
When people come to meetings at our offices and I offer them something to drink and they opt for water, I want to say “seriously? You want water over the delicious Nespresso coffee I am offering you? Or the Five Roses Tea? Seriously? You suuuuuure you want water?”
I encourage the kids to drink water, but hide my Fanta Orange in a coffee cup, under the guise of coffee which they know they aren’t allowed to have, so avoiding any questions from my nosey toddlers. Remember when bottled water came out in South Africa and everyone thought it was so cool to be drinking water out of a bottle from the shop and not from your tap. AGAIN I ask who in their right mind would actually PAY for this stuff, I mean if you must drink it, please rather drink it for free from your faucet and save your money for a good ‘ol fashion can of Coke. I mean that is money well spent. IF, and I mean IF I buy water, I will opt for sparkling because at least that gives me the illusion of having a fizzy drink. A tasteless sad fizzy drink.
Water is good for bathing, swimming, throwing at people (water bombs) and for making tea and coffee. I’ll leave it at that. To keep myself hydrated I use body lotion. Cheers! *liftsacanofcoketomouth*