My amazing food processor

My husband bought me a food processor for my birthday. You know you must be getting old when you request kitchen appliances for your birthday but hey. To tell you I love this gadget is an understatement. I do EVERYTHING in it: chopping, slicing, dicing, baking, juicing – you name it, I’m doing it! It’s no secret that I don’t enjoy cooking, wait let me rephrase that, I love cooking when I am in the mood, and I’m in the mood as often as the moon is blue. Luckily, my husband enjoys cooking so we take turns in the kitchen. But with my amazing food processor I have found that the kitchen is my friend. I’m a TV cook, you know the type who just smiles into the camera and everything is chopped and placed into cute little glass dishes and all they have to do is swig the olive oil and throw in the ingredients. Yes, I want someone to do all the hard work for me, and I can make my magic from there. So although I am still physically doing it myself, my food processor helps me to chop everything just to the right size, and really quickly and my hands don’t smell of onions for days.

I’ve started making us smoothies every day. So while I am cooking, I throw the fruit into the blender section, a dash of yoghurt and fresh juice and bottle for breakfast the next day. It takes me two minutes. I’ve used it to bake a cake, make my salads, slice my potatoes for potato bake – they come out perfectly thin and perfectly uniform. It has this little pulse button that makes it go really fast if you have a particularly testy piece of veg that refuses to touch the blade and when I’m feeling risqué, I press the pulse and push my head back and revel in the beauty of my powerful machine that will cut your finger off with the press of a button. Oh the danger, baby.

Everyone tells me how the novelty will wear off, how I will get bored of putting it together and then washing all the bits and pieces afterwards– but I don’t foresee that happening, one: I leave it out on the kitchen counter and two: Zoleka is tasked with washing it… I am so close to being a TV chef, the excitement of it makes me want to press the pulse button right now! I’m not a gadget girl, I used to watch those irritating Verimark adverts and wonder who these people were who waste money on such useless items, I mean WHO needs to make a flower out of a tomato? Who are you, Barefoot Contessa? But my fabulous food processor may just have converted me. If there are more gadgets that will bring me such joy, I want them baby. If there are more gadgets that will turn my kitchen into the Mr Magorium’s Wonder Emporium of kitchens, then I’m going to phone that hotline number right now and give them my credit card details. Food processors are the way of the future. Forget the telephone, the fax machine or the colour printer; the food processor was and is the best invention ever made.


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