Last night I was jolted awake by Liam calling for me. Liam never calls for me, he goes to sleep at bed time and we have to lure a very grumpy Liam out of bed the next morning. This from a kid who didn’t sleep through the night until he was almost 3 years old. So when he does happen to call for me, I know it’s for a good reason.
So I leap out of bed with the feline prowess of a fat ‘ol tired lioness. I rush to his room and he’s like “I weed the bed.” Just great. Why don’t you ever call for your father when this happens? Both Liam and Hannah still wet the bed on occasion, but usually they’ll sleep through it and the gross aroma of pee will waft us awake in the morning and the problem is then Zoleka’s because I have to rush off to work, you know.
Arghhh, so I stand and stare at him for about five seconds trying to figure out what to do, poor kid is shivering. Clearly it was the cold pee which woke him up. I tell him to strip down while I warm a face cloth in the bathroom and give him a quick wipe down and throw the Baby Powder all over the place to mask the smell. I strip the blankets from the bed and throw two thick towels over the wet patch (NO mattress protector on the bed!), while throwing the wet clothes and blankets in a corner of the room, toying with the idea that setting them alight may be easier than soaking them right now.
Arrgghh there’s no more long sleeved vests in the cupboard, and there’s no button down flannels either (the only thing he insists on wearing to bed these days – it must have buttons) and I’m not in the mood for a meltdown so I have the ingenious idea to put his neatly laid out school clothes (including a long sleeved vest) on him. At 2h05am. First he is like WTH? Then he is like YAY, CAN I SLEEP IN MY SCHOOL CLOTHES?! Big fun! So I put an extra towel down for good measure, can’t risk the pee smell seeping through onto the school clothes, because now I KNOW there isn’t another vest for tomorrow morning. And kid is ready and dressed for school. At 2h05am. We go back to bed. And I get a few extra minutes sleep this morning because I don’t have to dress one kid.
This morning Husband and Hannah are like WTH, Liam is in his school clothes? Liam and I laugh conspiratorially.
Who’s the top boss? Mama Bear, that’s who.
Ps: of course this is going to end badly for me, both children will now insist on going to bed in their school clothes which could do wonders for the morning routine but isn’t really ideal – people will talk and I’ll go from being Boss Mother to being Lazy Mother. Can’t risk it, as tempting as it is.