Dear Big Liam and Big Hannah #7

Everytime you go away, you take a piece of me with you…

Paul Young, 1985

So it’s been 13 days and 12 nights since we’ve seen you guys. Now I am not going to lie to you, by the time you read this you will be old enough to understand that mommies and daddies need a break from their kids, so let me say that this time away from you guys has been uhhhh-mazing (that means amazing to you). It’s like when you take a holiday from work, you come back pumped and revitalized and full of ideas and you make the other people in your office quite sick with your tanned skin, big ideas, and your post holiday glow. Same thing. This time away from you guys has me feeling all holier-than-thou about my parenting. Because let’s be honest, there are a lot of flaws with my parenting skills, how you guys have turned out alright is still a mystery to me, but yes I have grand schemes and ideas for our future. I’m going to be a better mom, you are going to fabulous kids and all will be right with the world. And then you’ll wake up on Monday morning and well… things will probably go pear shaped as they do on Monday mornings.

But yes. That’s why a break is good.

Because it reminds us how much we love each other, how we miss each other when we’re apart is an indication of how deeply we care for each other. Sometimes in the day to day rat race that is life, the only time I actually look at you and really fall in love with you all over again is when you’re asleep in your bed, and I come in to make sure you haven’t kicked your blankets off and that you aren’t hanging over the side of your bed, and only THEN do I take that moment, in all your silent sleeping beauty, to really take you in. The rest of the 23 hours and 50 minutes of the day are just a blur of work, school, taking and fetching, cooking, shouting, yelling, crying, kissing, making up, administration and LIFE.

But these 13 days and 12 nights your Dad and I have had a ball without you, but in everything we’ve done and in every moment of peace and quiet we have talked about you, laughed about you, expressed our hopes and dreams for you, it’s true – our lives revolve around you guys! I’ve fallen in love with you all over again and I can’t wait to squeeze the life out of you when I see you again. Now calm down, this doesn’t mean that I didn’t love you before. My love for you is unconditional and unwavering, but sometimes we don’t like each other, and that’s cool. Because even when we don’t particularly like each other for that moment, there is nothing or no one who can replace the deep hole in my heart that you two have squeezed yourselves into.

So I’ve said it a million times here on the blog, but I just want you to know, for realsies, fo sho’, that when you read this as teenagers, just know that these two outdated, old fashioned loser parents of yours (isn’t that what all teenagers think of their parents?) love you so very much, that regardless of the arguments we will have, regardless of punishment which will be metered out for the stupid things you are SURE to do while growing up, regardless of how many times you slam the door in my face and regardless of how many times I swipe you across the bum with my slipper – you guys are my everything, I love you, I can’t imagine my life without you two in it and even though this parenting thing is hard and I may make mistakes, I am so grateful to God for the opportunity to raise you two and I wouldn’t swop this job for anything in the world

Assuring you of my constant love and admiration

Mom xxx

One thought on “Dear Big Liam and Big Hannah #7”

  1. I absolutely love these letters to your kids. It’s so funny how parenting is such a rat race and we’re not always gazing lovingly into our babies’ eyes. But we still love them obsessively and wouldn’t give them up for anything.

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