Just two things (one funny, one scary) …

I wanted to tell you about two newsworthy items. Things I didn’t get time to blog about but I think deserve a mention.

We went to the annual Christmas production at our church two weeks ago. The show is advertised as being suitable for children age three and up and Liam thoroughly enjoyed last year’s production of the Grinch and was very excited to sit in “big church” again this year. Hannah turned three this year so she too was excited to experience her first time in the “big church.” Right. The Polar Express was lovely, a wonderful tale of a little boy who had lost his Christmas spirit, blah blah. However the plot was a bit lost on Hannah. She enjoyed the music and dancing and theatrics, but she couldn’t really follow the story. She was bored. Like half an hour in, the child was whining and whining and ready to go home. But the best part was when she announced REALLY loudly into a darkened and quiet auditorium that “MY VA.GI. NA is SORRRRRRRE” Yup. She made that announcement really loud. And then proceeded to whine on and on about how sore her VA.GI. NA was. There was a lot of sniggering from the people around us. I adjusted her brookie, and did all the things one’s mother does in these awkward situations to make you feel better without really doing anything, but on she went. So folks, while I’ve always maintained that I think it’s important that your children learn the correct terms for their body parts from a young age for a myriad of reasons (their own safety being number ONE), I do think that I would have saved us all a lot of embarrassment had she had another name for it… like flower, petal, cookie, or whatever other weird names people come up.


Two weeks ago we discovered that a horrible person had broken into Zoleka’s outbuilding at the back of our house. While they didn’t take anything of significant importance, I still feel outraged and upset (and scared) that someone came into MY property and took stuff that didn’t belong to them and and and! With the paranoia of THIS still top of mind, the other night the electricity went out after 10pm. Now. I am not afraid of the dark as such, but I do like to be able to see what’s going on around me, even if it’s in the shadows. But when the lights go off at night, it’s pitch black. No street lights, no shadows, no nothing. I couldn’t even see my hand before my face. I was freaked out. I thank GOD that just the week before, with all the terrible thunder storms we’ve been having, I asked the hubby to please make sure our candles and matches were well stocked in the event of a power outage. I lit about 7 candles in my small little bedroom, I dragged the children from their beds to sleep with me. Because I am crazy like that. And I sat up waiting. For what, I am not sure. I was so MAD when I realised that wi-fi works on electricity and I couldn’t even get online. I mean really. And I have a Wackberry, so I couldn’t chance wasting that battery. About an hour and a half in, the alarm makes a weird noise which I believe signals the battery is now dead and shame, you are basically without security. Sorry for you. Great. So now I’m proper freaked out. Hannah is now awake from all my shenanigans. She’s talking up a storm, asking for supper: child is AWAKE.


I hear someone by our big front gate by the driveway. PEOPLE. When I say I went into complete PANIC and my adrenaline went into OVERDRIVE – it was a feeling I have never experienced before. Not like the fear I felt just before the anesthetist administered my spinal block. Not like the fear I felt the day a man walked up to my car window with a sledge hammer and I zoomed off, narrowly escaping a smash and grab. Not like the fear when Liam got his first stitches above his eye. It was ear blocking, heart thumping, shaking, dizzy fear. I see a FLASH LIGHT by the gate. I see the FLASH LIGHT walking in my YARD. I dial my husband, his phone just rings. I dial the alarm company ONLY TO DISCOVER THE NUMBER I HAVE FOR THE ALARM COMPANY ON MY PHONE IS THEIR SALES OFFICE AND NOT THE EMERGENCY NUMBER, I dial 10111. I follow the light and get to Hannah’s bedroom window and I don’t know why but I open the curtain and I start banging on the window and I’m pointing to my phone as if to say “I’m calling the PO-PO, MAN!” (I can’t even explain to you the fear I still feel as I write this.) I can only see his flash light blinding my eyes and I can see he has a BEEEEEG gun on his shoulder. The 10111 person is saying “hello, hello, anyone there” or something like that. Then I hear the dude outside yelling, “MAM, MAM, it’s xxx reaction unit” or something like that.. All this time I am consciously very quiet, I do not want to upset Hannah or alert her to the fact that I am basically pooping myself. He filters the flash light on himself and I see him in our alarm company uniform. He’s yelling “is everything ok, what’s your password, your alarm is off, etc etc etc” I’m confused. The man on the phone is like “IS EVERYTHING OK.” My brain registers, I say to the person on the phone to please hold on, I open the window and the dude seems legit. So I tell 10111 that I think everything is ok and sorry. So the alarm registered as not working, the company phoned Byron’s phone and when there was no answer, a vehicle was dispatched. (I won’t describe the hate mail I sent to poor husband about sleeping like the dead when there was a potential crime scene on our hands.) The dude asks me a million questions and asks about the password, “the safe word” and I’m like I AM FINE, YOU ARE THE ONE WHO FRIGHTENED ME HALF TO DEATH. I tell him to please patrol at least until the power comes back on. He gives me his name, goes back out through the gate and leaves. The power comes on about half an hour later. Through all this I was chatting with a night owl friend on Whatsapp, but even once the power was back on, I couldn’t get to sleep. I think the last time I looked at my phone it was like 2am something something and which stage I said “LORD, REMOVE THIS FEAR, I NEED TO SLEEP OR ELSE I WILL NOT BE ABLE TO FUNCTION TOMORROW.” And I did.

So now.

I thank God that most of that was all in my head and that actually there was nothing to have been afraid of. I thank God for his protection every day. I know that almost every South African can vouch for having being a victim of crime in one way or another, so I am not going to make like this was some incredible event but I can, in some small way, identify with people who have had their privacy and security violated, let alone the awful atrocities that often go down in botched break-ins. Sjoe, I was scared hey.

So anyway. That dog we spoke about months and months ago. He/she is DEFINITELY joining the family as soon as we get back from the December holidays. Not that a dog offers complete protection, but it’s an intimidating presence in the yard and in the home. A dog also serves as an early detection or alert to something going on before it’s like HAPPENING TO YOU, you know what I mean? These are exciting times we living in people, exciting times.


5 thoughts on “Just two things (one funny, one scary) …”

  1. Gah! We had a similar incident with the security company… the night of my 30th birthday… drunk as skunks, we accidentally set off the alarm… when I saw the flash lights in the garden I was convinced we were under siege by tsotsi’s! Walter, stumbling his drunk ass to the window tried to yank the curtains open… in his underpants… and he lost his balance and ripped the entire curtain rod out the wall before collapsing in a heap on the floor. I’m not sure who was more scared.. us or the poor security guard!

  2. Sorry you got such a fright sweetie. Get the battery in the alarm replaced – ours keep about 18 hours so it will take you through the night if no power.

    And I was sniggering away here at Hannah. But flower, do people really call it flower? Nooooo….

  3. Sjoe lady. I would have freaked! Do what Cat says and get those batteries replaced. A lady in the office was talking about her daughters flower the other day and it took me a while to register. We use proper words. Joel speaks about “my peanut”. Which is cool in public but causes Lance and I plenty of giggles!

  4. I probably would have laughed hard if I hear a little girl saying her flower is hurting

    Sorry about the scare but glad it was nothing. It’s sad but it’s the reality of the country we live in and one can’t be too cautious.

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