When you love one child more than the other


So I’m just going to be honest because I know I can’t be the only one who feels this way. You know, as a parent, when you go through a phase when you just feel more connected to, more in tune with, more in love with, one of your children over the others? I’m going through a serious Hannah phase.

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And I’m not even going to qualify that statement by saying oh, I love Liam, he is my first born, blah blah blah. Because I know you mothers know EXACTLY what I mean. I will say that Liam is going through a lovely phase of being a good boy, a good listener and a good helper, so no hard feelings boy, I still love you! But I just want to talk about how I’m loving my girl child right now.

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Maybe it’s because she is so loving towards us. Maybe it’s because she and I are the only girls in the house and I feel some sort of girl-power solidarity towards her. Maybe it’s because she is so damn cute right now. Whatever it is, I just want to squeeze the life out of her every time she walks by. I watch her sleep for long minutes, unable to tear my eyes off her beautiful sleeping form.

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She is the child who asks how my day was as soon as she gets in the car after school. “So did you do filing and wead (read – she still can’t say Rrrrrr and it’s so cute) your emails and make coffee for your boss today?” She asks me what I had for lunch and if I was a good helper. When we get home, she is the one who stays behind to help me with my stuff. Liam, bundle of boy that he is, zooms off to play with Rocky, storms off in a whirl of noise looking for boy treasure and makes fun of us girls with our girly business. Hannah is the one who asks to be put on the kitchen counter so she can sit with me as I cook (I need space for a chair in my kitchen, loved this post by Cath). “What is that? OH VANILLA ESSENCE?! IT SMELLS SO GOOD MUMMY!” And she is the one who will always ask “what job do you have for me, what can I do for you?”

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Oh we fight, mainly about clothes. If only I’d just let her wear her holey takkies to school – “THE CHILDREN WILL LAUGH AT YOU” I yell, she responds “NO THEY WON’T” and either they don’t laugh or she just doesn’t care because she insists on wearing them the next day again. And her headband which she rips over her neatly brushed middle path – “YOU CAN’T WEAR A HEADBAND IF YOU HAVE TWO PLAITS HANNAHHHHHHHHHH” I yell and she storms off in a sulk, completely ignoring me, wearing that headband with PRIDE.

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I’ve always maintained that Liam is MY child. Him and I are so much alike, down to our personalities and likes and dislikes. So much so that when he behaves a certain way I can almost always fix it because I know WHY he’s done it that way. Not always, because let’s be honest our children befuddle us on a daily basis and mostly I walk around completely unsure of how to handle them. But yes, Liam, I get. Totally get him.

But Hannah.

She is like a little pleasant surprise. To quote Mr Gump, she is like a box of chocolates – you never know what you’re gonna get. She is SUCH a girl. And not in the girly sense. She is anything but girly, although even here she often surprises me by wanting to wear the fluffiest skirt and lots of lipgloss. She is a girl, like me, in that she is forever emotional. When she’s happy, she is so bloody happy that even that grumpy lady who checks your bags when you leave Mr Price (whyyyy do they still do that in 2014?) laughs at her. And when she is sad, she is so sad from somewhere so deep inside of her that it makes me want to cry. And when she is pissed off. Oh my word. Just get out of her way please. And when she is sulky, she knows juuuuuuust how to get her Daddy to respond to her sulks.

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Even from this young age she has this need to please. I’m convinced it is an inborn desire in girls to please. I don’t know WHAT it is. But she yearns for our approval, in everything. I still believe this is a good quality and I will not dissuade her from it, even though many feminists in the hood would disagree. We are called to serve, and I love this servant-hood attitude that she has, even at this age. She wants to do stuff that will make others happy. I send them off to make up their beds, right. Liam goes off singing loudly, whizzing that bed into shape in 2 minutes. The results are…well… the bed is made but it’s a mess. And off he goes singing noisily, onto his next task (love this noisy child too!). Hannah goes quietly about her business, tucking corners, plumping pillows and then she CALLS me, people, she calls me and asks me if I am happy with the job that she has done. It just turns me into a pile of candle wax, makes me WEAK in the knees!!! This child!!

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She loves touch, and loves to be touched. “Rub my back, mummy” she’ll say to me when we’re laying down. “Let me kiss you all over your face,” she’ll say to me quite out of the blue. “Hold my hand mummy” she asks when we’re in the car and even though I am in the passenger seat and it is sooooo uncomfortable to contort my body and keep my arm outstretched as I grip her hand in mine, I do it because it feels so good.

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“I love you from here to eternity” she loves to tell me as she grips my cheeks in her little hands. I love you too, Hannah Ruth. From here to eternity. 

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15 thoughts on “When you love one child more than the other”

  1. So sweet, I have tears in my eyes!! This is a good reminder for when she is driving you up the wall (which I am sure she sometimes does)

  2. Round of applause! Seriously that must have taken guts and I hope you are right that all mothers of multiple children experience this because I’m going through this right now! So totally relate!

    1. I’m confident that children take turns to “endear” themselves to their parents. I went through a loooong period of not really “feeling” Hannah because she was a surprise baby. #truestory Also, Liam often has his turn in my limelight because he is so much like me. So I don’t feel guilty or bad about it anymore. I love them both, in different ways because they are different people, and they know that. My love doesn’t show favour of one over the other, and I hope that I love them in the way that THEY EACH love to be loved. Hannah is having a turn now, Liam will have his turn again, and so the cycle goes 🙂 My title was a bit sensational, but you KNOW what I mean 🙂

  3. Aaaah! Here come the waterworks! Savour every moment of having this precious, precious soul with you. My Hannah-Cabana-Sierra xxxx

  4. Although perhaps we love them all the same amount, its the way and things we love that sometimes makes one child more endearing at a particular stage and the other at another stage.

  5. With only one child I have not really felt this….I am one of four kids and are you saying my mother lied when she said she had no favourites! (I always thought I was the favourite, lol)

    1. LOL! Mamacat! OF COURSE I am my mother’s favourite! That’s the beauty of us mothers, we make everyone feel like they’re the favourite 🙂 And every child IS the favourite child in their own way, because each child brings something so special to the family table! xx

  6. Loved this article–bless God for little ones who bring such joy and wonder to out lives! Love my girls, Pa

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