Tag Archives: Christianity

Gentle Jesus, meek and mild. NOT.

This started out as an Instagram post and then turned into an essay so I thought… let me come over here to this sad piece of internet and scribble this down while it is still fresh in my mind. If there’s anyone who still comes to this spot, hello! This blog has recently seen less love than a homeless puppy on the side of the road but that’s a post for another day.

So back to the topic.

A few weeks back, Marcia gave me this book by Francis Chan. It’s called Crazy Love – Overwhelmed by a Relentless God. Before I go any further, if you are a Believer you need to read this book. PLEASE READ THIS BOOK. Prior to that, I had mentioned to my Bible reading whatsapp group that I had done one of those Bible studies on the app on my phone by this dude Francis Chan and his thinking was so radical that I HAD to read this book. And by some divine intervention, Marcia was like “oh, I have that book and I’ll give it to you.” Score. So I read the book. Mind.Blown. Plain and simple truths that I think we gloss over once the exuberance of being saved dies down. Mind.Blown. I’ve read it twice in two weeks. That good.



Then our church, Rivers, released a new song a few weeks back. It’s called Wild Love. Get it on iTunes here please. This song speaks of the WILD love God has for us. It’s amazing and awesome and all the other synonyms that mean amazing and awesome. I swear.

Words and imagery speak to me. I am a words person. It’s very rare that words like Crazy / Wild / Radical are mentioned in the same sentence as God / Jesus, right? But the last couple of weeks that’s all I’ve been picturing; this crazy, wild love that God has for me.

Now if you know me, you’ll know I am crazy and wild. I’m all those things you DON’T learn at finishing school. That’s unapologetically me. But I’ve been pondering on how crazy and wild Jesus was / is. This is the same man who stormed into the temple, upturned tables and threw people out because they were dishonouring God’s house. This is the man who always had a quick quip for his 12 disciples who were sooooo slow to get what He was saying some times. The man who offended many because of the raw and honest truth He spoke. That baby in the manager, meek and mild, is no more. He is the Lion of the tribe Judah. He is the Hunter not the hunted. He is all conquering, all powerful, the Creator and King of the entire universe and all that is within it. Demons tremble at the sound of His name. While sin and troubles exist in this world for everyone, He has overcome the world. He is a warrior who will not hesitate to crush those things which aim to harm you. He is Almighty God. The angels and saints are roaring shouts of praise to Him all day, err’day.  And He loves me with a wild and crazy love that I cannot even comprehend. And while God is to be revered and is the Holy of Holies and I don’t EVER want to lose sight of his magnificence, there’s this part of Him that makes my tummy flip… the part that says I get my crazy, wild side from my Daddy. Who loves me fiercely, wildly and crazily.  Don’t get it twisted, He ain’t the meek and mild baby in the manger no more, He would DIE for me. In fact, HE DID. And when you seriously consider this, how can you NOT be radical about this radical man? I grew up in a very conservative faith community, and that’s cool, I believe that there’s space in Heaven for crazy and normal saints, ha! But I’m so glad that God fashioned us all differently. I’m never going to be meek and mild, soft and gentle, calm and angelic (much to my earthly father’s annoyance!). And for years, I thought this was how we Christians needed to be. But the more I look to Jesus, the more convinced I am that in all His absolute glory, in His sinless human form, Him and I could have had lots in common.

So if you’re feeling like a square peg in a round hole, or if you’re scared to take the jump into being saved because you’re scared that you will have to undergo an identity change, please can I encourage you that God says come as you are… He loves you as crazy, wild and radical as you may be. And even when He does a transforming work in you (and He will), He will use you as you are, to bring Him glory. After all, HE created you, He KNEW you before you were even born, silly! He knew I was going to be all sorts of crazy and yet He still chose to bring me into being in my mother’s womb. I think that settles it… God loves a bit of crazy in the kingdom. I want to be crazy for Him, just as He is crazy for me.

Finding joy where you are

I’ve blogged about this joy-versus-happiness thing before but I need to talk about this again.

Happiness is a feeling or emotion that ebbs and flows as you go through the highs and lows of your natural life. Obviously, we aren’t always happy. And thank goodness because we all need a dose of the sads to keep us humble, right? But more importantly, the beauty of our humanness is in experiencing the full spectrum of emotions we were built to endure. I won’t lie, I love the release of a full blown snot-inducing ugly cry now and again. Sometimes I secretly enjoy being miz and just climbing under my duvet and shutting everybody out. And let’s be honest, we all roll our eyes at the eternally happy colleague who skips down the corridors in the work place spreading sunshine wherever she goes.

However, joy springs from something deep inside of you. It starts off as a choice, and then burgeons into a belief. It is spurred on by faith and it is not moved by or dependent on circumstance. It is not dictated by your mood or your feelings or the number of snotty tears you cry. Joy remains unshakable in the wake of trials. Joy says I believe that even though this situation sucks right now, God is still the King of the world. He has overcome this. He is on the throne. Whether you like it or not, God’s Will, will be done. And God’s will is always good, is always favourable, is always blessing.

Let me give you an example of my own life right now, just in case Facebook or my Instagram feed has led you to believe that it’s all unicorns and sunbeams around here. My husband and I still argue and disagree on a plethora of things, we are not that couple who “turn the other cheek.”  We are either in a silent treatment face-off or a battle of wills over who gets the last word (I win most times, just saying). Now while there is sadness and disappointment and a lack of respect in these moments, it doesn’t detract from the joy I feel every time I consider that this is MY man (Denzel Washington voice) until I die. My children never fail to confuse and upset me. With every age I’m more astounded at how much harder this parenting thing gets, I mean really can I get a break. I got called in for Liam’s behaviour the other day. Me? I never got called into the teacher’s office NOT ONCE while I was in school, but I’m getting called in for my spawn? NOT COOL. While Hannah has turned into an absolute dream of a child, truly she is my most favourite daughter, she is as volatile as a Slinky… can you say up and down? But with all the difficulties of parenthood, the inexplicable and constant joy I feel whenever I think about these two perfect children is just there. And then there’s the circumstances we face… we’re still in the process of finalising our house sale which means lots of money and lots of anxiety. Secondly, I called the school I had planned to enrol Hannah in for next year to be told that they are actually full, now what? If you know me, you’ll know that sorting out schools for my children has been a project I have dedicated myself to fully and to be rejected in this way was like a slap in the face. And then the daily stresses of life… when there’s more month than money, when your appliances all seem to die at the same time, when you’re drowning in the stress of trying to please all your friends. This may not be true for you, but it is highly stressful for me to try and fit everyone in. I have a guilt complex over trying to meet up with all the special people in my life. There’s the loss of a pet, the boy child who has regressed and cries at bedtime because he is scared of the dark, the point on your to-do list you forgot about and now your boss is pissed off. Guys, if we had to focus on the things that were wrong in our lives at any given moment, we would be truly doomed. I’ve seen people in the darkest of valleys these last few weeks. People who have lost loved ones, people who have been retrenched, people who are going through fires that you and I will never understand and I think to myself HOW do you move forward in the face of such adversity?

But then joy steps in. I don’t know where you find your joy, but I find mine in the Lord. I remain joyful and hopeful and reliant on the fact that I will not succumb to the injuries I face. That this season will pass, that goodness and mercy will follow me all the days of my life (Ps23:6). I remain confident that I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. (Ps 27:13).  You see, joy transcends the here and now and looks forward to the future. It veils your eyes with wisdom enough to see through the pain you may be enduring. Joy is that thing that makes you laugh through your tears, it makes you expectant even when you’re all out of options in the natural, and it comes from a deep-seated knowledge that it isn’t over until God wins.

Seriously, what’s your purpose in life?

Last night I had a team meeting at church, so the kids were home with their father. When I got back I went into their rooms to say good night and I jumped in with Hannah for a minute:

Hannah: How was your meeting?

Me: It was good.

Hannah: What did you learn?

Me: We learned about staying motivated, about being obedient even when it’s hard or you don’t feel like it.

Hannah: Oh, like Jonah.

Me: Hey? (I have got to stop saying hey)

Hannah: Like when Jonah wasn’t listening but then after he got out of the whale he was obedient to God and he went to Nineveh, but he didn’t feel like it the first time.

Firstly, I was gobsmacked at her absolutely perfect pronunciation of Nineveh, when she can’t even say “probably” properly! She says “pahbly!”

But more than that, I can’t believe how she ‘gets it.’  We haven’t read this story in ages, yet it has stayed with her, and she knows this very important Bible truth. I mean the stuff I was learning about in an adult prayer meeting, this 4 year old summed up for me in a few words.

Obedience rules over emotion.

We have to be obedient to the Will of God even if we don’t feel like it. Even if we’re tired, or life gets busy, or it just becomes too hard. And obedience to God falls out of the parameters of just The Ten Commandments. We always think as long as we don’t kill, steal or commit adultery, we’re doing OK as Christians. Well actually, no. It means being a GREAT wife, even when I don’t feel like it, because God has called me to be a GREAT wife. It means being patient and loving and gentle with my children even when it’s really hard because they can be really difficult, because it is God’s will for me to be a GOOD mother to my children. It’s fitting in quiet time with God during every day because that is obedience to what God instructs us directly to do in His Word – even Jesus went aside from the crowds to have quiet time with His father and he was perfect! It’s helping the poor, it’s going out of your way for someone, it’s being up early every Sunday morning at my post where I volunteer, even if I’ve had a rough Saturday night and I’m tired, it’s staying away from gossip even when it’s REALLY hard because it’s such a juicy story. It’s forgiving others EEEVVEENN when you don’t want to, or it hurts, or you’ve been really offended.

Obedience to God rules over emotion – it trumps our feelings.

Oh boy, it’s hard. It’s SO hard. I have two special friends and together we’re trying to plough through the Bible – one book at a time (Captain America voice), and even that can be difficult for me. I get bored, I get tired, I find something else to do in that time. Doing the right thing is not always easy. It takes motivation and it takes making a decision to do so every single day.  Putting aside your own desires, for the  plans and purposes of God.

How do you know what God’s plan and purpose for your life is? Well how do you know what your plan and purpose at your work is? How do you know what your plan and purpose for your marriage is? You talk to your boss and you guys discuss your career path, right? You talk to your husband / wife and you guys discuss your hopes and dreams and your plans for your marriage, right? And you connect often to make sure everything is on track, right? And so it is with God. If we’re not talking to God, reading His Word, praying and praying and praying (x50000), then we may be confused about our purpose.

You know what always amazes me about other faiths and religions? The emphasis they place on KNOWING, MEMORISING, FILLING THEMSELVES with their “scriptures.” Jewish boys need to know and quote the Torah before they reach bar mitzvah. Muslims are urged to learn the Qur’an off by heart. But as a Christian. I’ve only recently come to understand the importance of knowing what the Bible says, what GOD is saying about keeping His words and storing up His commands within me. About guarding His teachings as the apple of my eye, about binding them on my fingers and writing them on the tablet of my heart (Prov 7:1-3).  Growing up in a catholic family, DIRECTLY out of the Bible, I probably only learned the Our Father and I vaguely remember having to learn Matt 5: 3 – 10 before I was confirmed – The Sermon on the Mount. That was it. We had no other urge to read anything else in the Bible, other than a few verses on a Sunday at church.

I was chatting with my mother and sister, and we were talking about getting the kids (and me) to memorise Bible verses that speak truth and life and speak the promises of God. We need to KNOW these things, people. We need to be able to say it out loud, to motivate us and move us, to keep us focused on the goal, to keep us from succumbing to the challenges that life brings. If we don’t know what the Master is saying, how can we possibly know what we need to be doing? Yes, we have an idea but do we know word for word what God Almighty is saying?

My kids can recite poetry for days. And it gives me ABSOLUTE joy listening to them recite, truly I LOVE it! My granny used to love listening to us sing songs and say poems for her, and now I kind of know why. How much more when God hears us singing love songs back to Him? How much more when God hears us understanding and knowing and figuring out our lives according to His will?

So we started. If they can learn poetry, then they can very well learn the  Bible. We’re learning Psalm 91 off by heart. The kids know verse 1 – 2 already. And when we say it together, let me tell you, I get goosebumps. It’s like praying – it’s like an infilling of the Holy Spirit, it’s like God’s Word COME ALIVE.  “Those who live in the shelter of the Most High, will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. THIS I declare of the Lord: He ALONE is my refuge, my place of safety; he is MY God, and I am trusting HIM.”

You see, I learned a lot of these things late in my life. But here I have the chance to get it right with Liam and Hannah. And if receiving this revelation so late has made such a difference in MY life (and most importantly in where I spend eternity hereafter), how much more amazing if I get to plant this seed for my kids NOW. If I can help set them up and position them for God to reveal Himself to them. This is part of my purpose, I have no doubt.

Obedience rules over emotion.


Death sucks, but it’s not the end.

So everyone. You know I like to keep things light hearted around these parts but I simply cannot ignore this story that landed up in my feed. I read it yesterday, then pretty much trawled Mindy’s blog over 24 hours and I cried and cried as a read the story of Ben and his family. I cannot shake them from my head. I feel so heartbroken over this loss of life, over the sickness that took this little boy over such a short period of time. And I am awed, floored and completely amazed at the faith of this family as they’ve lived through the loss of their son and brother. In the space of a few short months, Ben went from well and healthy to dying of a cancerous brain tumour. And I’ve read of many families who have suffered through the same loss, but I think it’s the way Mindy writes… her honestly, her bravery, her love for her boy, that really gets me. How she describes his illness, his fight. And her testimony of God’s grace and goodness through it all. There’s nothing I can write here that will articulate this story, as well as she has done so on her own blog.

 Anyway, I know that each of us are shocked into the realization of how short life is when we are faced with the death of a loved one, or when we read stories of people, especially children, dying. I don’t really want to give you another post on how we must cherish every moment. We know that already.

I just need to say something about being a mother and having children. Or something like that. Truthfully, I’m not really sure what I want to say. I want to say that I hope I never need to bury my child. I want my life to follow the natural progression as it was intended: that I will grow old, I will drive my children insane with old people stuff, I will see my grandchildren, and that they will happily bury me at the ripe old age of whatever. We all want that, right? I want to say that I can almost bear the thought of losing a parent – I say almost because I know that will be the hardest time of my life when it comes, but there’s some peace in knowing that I KNOW where my parents are going – the other side of heaven. There is this comfort when a believer dies. Also, I think it is easier to accept an older person dying. Don’t get me wrong, it will be difficult because I can’t imagine my life without my mother and father in it, but I will be accepting. But I don’t know how I would feel if I lost my child(ren). My mind cannot fathom the idea. I want to cry a thousand tears when I think of Mindy and I don’t even know her. But I sympathise with her because I have my two healthy beautiful children and if I woke up tomorrow and one of them wasn’t there, I don’t know what that would do to me. And then I read about this lady’s strength and her faith in God. And it blows me away. She didn’t have a long time to process and accept what was happening to her boy, you understand. It wasn’t a long illness. He was well, and then in a few months, he was dead. And yet she is so strong. She knows where her boy is.

I guess I want to say that I love my children. That I didn’t quite understand how MUCH I would love them before they were born. I didn’t understand the depth of love a parent could feel for a child. I want to say to the mothers out there who are going through a hard time with a new born – it doesn’t last forever. It goes by SO quickly. Please don’t wish these times away, I know I did. But don’t. It’s so short and so precious. And I know it feels like you are going to die from tiredness but hang in there. I want to say to the parents with children who have learning disabilities, or lifelong illnesses – I don’t claim to know your struggle, but I know your child is ALIVE. And while a child is ALIVE, there is POSSIBILITY and POTENTIAL and POWER. I want to say to parents who are battling to pay school fees, pay the bond and car payments – don’t give up. These struggles SUCK when you are in the middle of them, trust me, I know ALL about it, but those situations are temporary, we find solutions, we sell a car, we get a smaller house, we get backlisted until we figure things out and get rid of that judgment against our names, we can fix those things. I think I want to say don’t let the STRESS of living KEEP you from living. Guys, it’s the truth – we don’t know how long we have. We just don’t. All those things I said before about not wanting to bury my children, I wish I had a guarantee, but I don’t. But I do know that I need to be making memories with these kids of mine every day, I need to be making every damn moment count. I can’t be worried within an inch of my life about crime and paying bills and my weight, when it takes me emotionally or physically away from just giving my children memories. I don’t know how else to say it. Don’t get bogged down by life, just like that email that does the rounds says, on your death bed you are not going to be worried about how many hours you put in at the office.

Are you stressed about something right now? Don’t be. Give yourself a serious pep talk, I promise the problem you are looking at right now, is not as bad as you think it is. Don’t even give that situation a chance to steal another minute of your joy, your quality time with your kids, your sanity. It’s not even worth it.

And I have to say this even if you don’t believe it. Even if I lose followers. If I don’t say this, I will have missed an opportunity to tell you about Jesus and that’s what I am called to do, so just listen. If you don’t know God, if you haven’t accepted Jesus as your Lord and Saviour, won’t you think about it? I don’t know where I would be without Him. I don’t know that I could live another day in this fallen world with all its problems, if it wasn’t for the fact that it is temporary and our real home is in Heaven. And I don’t want to get all holier than thou on you, you know me, I am not like that, but I just feel like we need to be talking about these things guys. It’s hard out there, we need JESUS!

My wish for myself, for you, for your families is that we live in the moment, that we let go and let God, that we value this opportunity to be ALIVE and use it to impact the lives of those around us and that we enjoy every moment doing so. Love on your kids today, even if they are particularly testy and annoying between the hours of 5 – 7pm. Be kind to your partner with all his/her “faults” because we all have our issues and sometimes turning a blind eye isn’t a sign of weakness, it is an act of Grace. Take it easy in the traffic, phone your bank manager and make payment terms, drop that grudge and pick up the phone and talk to that person already. Don’t let anything hold you back from living your best life. This is my wish. Xxx

And to the Sauer family, I wish you a peace that passes all understanding as you revel in the memories of your precious Benjamin.

That’s deep, dude.

There is wisdom in perspective.

I read this on a friend’s BBM status last night and it really struck a chord with me. We’ve been praying for a certain situation for the longest time. And those of you who pray will know that when your prayers don’t seem to be answered in the way you WANT them to be answered, or WHEN you want them to be answered… one’s prayers sway between many levels… I’ve gone from a faithful prayer, to a whiny prayer, to a plea bargain prayer, to a bribe prayer (seriously, I’ve actually tried to bribe God), to a frustrated prayer, to a prayer where I just cry and cry and hope that it’s going to work. I tell you God is sitting on the Throne like “look at this insolent child of mine behaving like a needy toddler, I should go down there and give her a hiding.”

I have these battles in my mind where I try to figure out WHY God isn’t answering the prayer, or what lesson I’m supposed to be learning in the hope that I can figure it out, pass the test and get my bloody prayer answered already!

It’s ridiculous really, I know that!

Because I WILL remain confident of this: I WILL see the goodness of the Lord, I WILL wait on the Lord, I WILL be strong, and take heart and WAIT.ON.THE.LORD (Ps 27:13). Paul says we must rejoice in our suffering, because suffering produces endurance and endurance produces character and character produces hope (Rom 5:3). I KNOW that God who began this work in me will bring it to completion (Phil 1:6) and God has promised to be with me wherever I go and whatever I face and that I should not be discouraged or afraid, but be strong and courageous (Joshua 1:9). I know these things and I BELIEVE these things.


We are human, and it’s a fallacy that Christians live in this happy little bubble cushioned by the promises of God and are untouchable from the pain of this world. QUITE the contrary in fact! But here’s the thing: I’ve come to realise quite recently that what John Bradford said in this quote is SOOOOO profound: There, but for the grace of God, go I. WOW. Let me tell you, based on my life, the silly situations I’ve gotten myself into, the foolish choices I have made, and just the general battering that life can give you… I should be a deadbeat. And quite possibly DEAD. BUT for the grace of God! Oh man, it makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside. Thank GOD for His grace. And then when I have THAT thought, I think about how my situation is not that bad. My “unanswered prayer” is teaching me many other things that I would not have learned had a magic wand just fixed this problem (even though we all think that would be rather nice, don’t we). Last night I was thinking about all of this and started thinking about people in my immediate circle and the things they are praying for (nothing like looking at other people’s misery to make you feel better about your own haaahaaaa). No seriously. Some are praying for babies, some are praying that new business ventures will take off, others have just bought houses and are going through the stress that that brings, others are dealing with sick parents, others are afraid of entering the corporate world for the first time after many years, others are coping with children with learning disabilities, others are facing financial difficulties, some are trying desperately to sell their houses, others are dealing with relational problems within their families, some are desperate to get out of their current jobs. People got problems, yo! And these are just the few people I interact with daily!

And that, my friends, is why I love that BBM status. Because there IS wisdom in perspective. Absolutely. I see the trials that my friends and family are enduring, and it gives me another perspective of my own problems and it makes me realise that there is communion in the Body of Christ. Let’s start praying for each other earnestly while still lifting our own petitions. This is not a magic cure. This is not going to make your prayers be magically answered. This is not you doing something good for others, so you can expect God to do something good for you. No. Look around, look at what people are facing, look at what people are going through, lift them up to God and give thanks that your situation (and theirs) is only just THAT. A situation. It’s not your life, it’s not your destiny, it’s most certainly not the end of your story. God’s already working in the background, while He is working on YOU, you can be assured of that. He’s done it before, He’ll do it again. There, but for the grace of God, go I.

There is wisdom in perspective.

My Father’s Love…

I look at these mothers who are so calm and chilled and I wonder to myself, how do you do it? I am a shouter, highly strung and easily irritated. My patience does not runneth over, in fact it runneth very much under. I didn’t think I would be this kind of parent, but I guess I lost the plot when I had two babies so close to each other and parenting them left me frazzled on the best of days and my outlet was shouting – at them, at the situation, at my husband. I’ve seen mothers of multiples and they aren’t frazzled and crazy like I can be, so this is not my excuse, it’s MY truth. Maybe my coping mechanism.

It isn’t good. I don’t want to have to yell to get a reaction. And now it seems I don’t get a reaction unless I yell! Of course this is all my fault, my kids reflect what they are exposed to. Maybe it’s the age we’re at, but Liam’s listening skills have become so bad that I find myself yelling ALL the time. Hannah is as stubborn as a mule and I have to yell to get anything done with her. With the effect, I think the neighbours think we are running some sort of child torture chamber. I am constantly nagging and whining and yelling at them to get things done. It is so frustrating.

I’ve been feeling really bad about all of this. It got me thinking about our own Heavenly Father. The Bible says that God is “slow to get angry and huge in loyal love, forgiving iniquity and rebellion and sin”  (Num 14:18MSG). If he parents us like this, and we are made in His image, I’m guessing he wants us to be like this too? I want to be slow to get angry, I want to be quick to forgive and HUGE in LOYAL LOVE. How awesome is that? (it does go on to say that God does meter out punishment, which is more my parenting style, but let’s not focus on that right now, ha!). Rebellion – this term comes to mind when I think of my children! But God forgives us of our rebellion if we repent, what right then do I have to lose it with my kids against their rebellion – especially because childish rebellion is nothing on the rebellion that we offer up to our Heavenly Father everyday!

The Bible says that God rejoices over me with gladness, he QUIETS me by His love and He exalts over me with loud singing (Zeph 3:17). OH MY WORD!! Over me Lord?? Do you know how that makes me feel? It makes me feel like a million bucks, it makes me feel loved and special and warm and fuzzy. That my Creator feels like that about me, little ‘ol me with all my warts, blows my mind. It makes me want to be good at what I do, it makes me want to be a better person for Him. Furthermore, I need to extend this same kind of love to my children. I need to rejoice over them, I need to QUIETEN THEM WITH MY LOVE and not with shouting and screaming, I need them to know that their creation makes me want to sing from the mountain tops because they are just that fabulous and bring me that much joy – most of the time. Because I need and want THEM to feel like a million bucks too!

I don’t want to be that parent who goes off her head the minute the kids act up, I don’t want my kids to act up BECAUSE I go off my head! I can’t rewind the past, but I can fix the future. I’m not saying that yelling is wrong and that we should pussyfoot around our children and never raise a voice (or a hand) to them. Believe me, I am NOT that kind of parent. The Bible specifically speaks about discipline being a Godly directive for Christian parents (sparing the rod and all of that) but it also talks about a different kind of discipline – about not exasperating our children by coming down hard on them, but by taking them by the hand and leading them in the way of the Master (Eph 6:4). I do think that my shouting exasperates them, imagine if your boss (or a person in a position of authority ) shouted at you all day long to get things done. We expect people to be civil and talk to us with the respect we deserve, right. Then more so the people in our very homes, the people we love, right?

I am so far from the Godly model, but I want to try to improve. We can all do things better, right? Parenting is so difficult, and I must laugh at how I thought that the most difficult times were the sleepless nights and the overflowing laundry basket. Turns out that was the easiest part! Ha! Everyone wants to tell you what a blessing kids are, how amazing children are and what a joy to be involved in creation! Um yeh ok, maybe 5% of the time, but the rest of the time raising children is HARD and frustrating and sometimes soul crushing and I deal with constant feelings of inadequacy and ineptitude. But I don’t need to feel like this, I CAN improve, I can look to MY Heavenly Father who knows my weaknesses just as he knows my heart and look to His example as a parent to help me on my parenting journey.

I am not going to stop shouting, if you know me, you’ll know that this is my personality. I shout to show my emotion – whether happy, sad, angry or excited. But I am going to pray for a calmness and a stillness of spirit that allows me to say what I need to say without scaring the neighbours or my children. A calmness to deal with the daily toiling of raising a robust almost 3 and 4 year old.

Will you pray for me too?