Tag Archives: fashion

Yummy Mummy

Today at work I casually picked up a fashion magazine and started paging through its silky covers.. I was gob smacked at the ridiculousness of what I read. Firstly, I gawked at the fashion pages in disbelief – these pages were labeled “colour pop” and “cowgirl couture” and “tribal goes neon” and every item was just ghastly! Is this what the trendy people were wearing? Then I turned to some of the articles: “meet the woman addicted to sex” and “how to walk tall, get that raise and climb that corporate ladder” – where in the world do the people who read these magazines come from? Planet Utopia? And then, like a slap in the face with a wet fish, it hit me.. The more I read, the more I realized how far removed I was from life outside of Momville. A parallel universe where people dressed for pleasure and to feel good about themselves, and not just to cover up fat rolls left over from childbirth. A world where people enjoyed sex, to the point of addiction, and didn’t just use it as a reward for doing child related chores. A world where a woman could spend hours agonizing over a menu for a cocktail party she was hosting, instead of calling Mr Delivery to deal with the catering. Where in the world is this place?

My husband thinks I am a yummy mummy, he tells me so all the time, but the truth is, I am NOT! Apparently yummy mummies are “colour blocking” their outfits and wearing heels everyday and it’s their au pairs who wear tracksuit pants with food stains. If this particular magazine is to be believed, yummy mummies spend time at the salon getting their hair and nails done while the kids play quietly at their moms’ feet. Yummy mummies go to the gym at least four times a week (the international recommended standard) and do all those fancy exercises.. like cardio vascular thingamabobs or weight resistance or Pilates or rumba/zumba/WHATEVER!! They don’t eat junk food and they NEVER EVER feed their families anything other than a gourmet meal prepared by yours truly. Rumour has it, that they never get headaches and are always up for IT. So no, I am definitely not a yummy mummy!

Are these magazines created to make women feel like complete losers? Am I the only one who finds it all so plastic and superficial? I am all for improving myself and feeling motivated enough to make a change in my life.. but I just feel like an absolute chop after tearing through this magazine. It appears that unless you can apply eye shadow like that weird looking man on the Style Network and you have a walk-in closet like Kimora Lee Simmons, then you my daahhling are considered a plebeian.

Nonetheless, I do aspire to yummy-mummy-ness. One day. One day when my kids don’t use my clothing as a dish rag for their dirty hands and snotty noses, when I have time to turn this jelly in my thighs into a hard mass of bulging muscle, when I have the energy to sit at a salon, without falling asleep and publicly drooling while sitting under the hair dryer. One day when my husband says “here babe, use the grocery money for a complete makeover, and we’ll survive on manna from heaven this month.”

One day, without the help of a fashion magazine – because I am not chasing that synthetic look – I will transform this mound of fleshy, pulpous leftover baby fatness into a lean, mean yummy mummy machine! Dadadadaaaaaaa!

Happily Ever After…

I love weddings! I love how they make you feel all warm and fuzzy inside. Weddings make me feel so sentimental, so maudlin! Partly because it’s wonderful to witness two people who are in love, declaring publicly and before God, that they want to be together forever and ever, but also because it always reminds me of my own special day, and it evokes all the emotions I felt on that day, how surreal everything felt, how I felt like I was positively going to float away because I was so light with happiness! My husband is way less emotional (about EVERYTHING) than I am, so he poo-poos my syrupy gushings about how wonderful weddings are and complains about having to wear a tie on a Saturday. Anyway, we attended a wedding of a dear friend last week, it was a beautiful wedding and hit my wedding-junkie sweet spot good and proper!  

We tied the knot on a crisp June afternoon in Durban, it was a huge affair with 300 guests – half of whom my husband and I didn’t know or hadn’t seen for years – but a wedding is more than just the bride and the groom in the Coloured community, it’s a family affair. Nevertheless, it was the happiest day of my pre-kids life, although my memory may be a bit hazy (kinda like how you only remember the good parts of childbirth and forget the bad and the plain down ugly bits). I do remember looking at certain things and thinking “when did I ok that?” but on the whole, our wedding was perfect.

I loved my dress from the moment I laid eyes on it and in fact, I still have it in a box in our garage – purely because I can’t find anyone who wants to buy it off me, and not because I have developed some sort of emotional attachment to it. But when Hannah was born, I did have this weird wistful notion that she would one day want to wear my dress, but let’s be honest, if fashion is anything to go by, in 20 odd years my daughter will not want to be caught dead in my dress, no matter how classic and timeless I think the style is. I had a blast choosing the décor, invitations and party favours, the husband-to-be had very little involvement other than handing over his credit card and nodding yes in agreement to everything I said. In fact it was more like MY party than OUR wedding, he was like my fabulous accessory of sorts (I’ll probably have to pay severely for that comment, sorry babe!!). All the same, he showed up on time and looked dashing in his suit and made an endearing speech that almost caused my very expensive mascara to run off my very fake eye lashes.

The thing about weddings is that, after funerals, it’s the next biggest event that brings a family together. And I think it is this, more than the glitz and glamour, that I really love about weddings. It’s a chance to see cousins and grand-aunts and uncles that you hadn’t seen in years. It’s a chance to meet the next generation (who are only invited to the church, because you do pay per head at the reception!) and it’s a chance to reminisce about the past. I always cheekily say that if I could do it again, I’d have a small affair and splash out on a fabulous month long honeymoon instead; because let’s face it, the two would cost about the same! But truthfully, I believe a wedding should be as grand an affair as your budget allows, with all the bells and whistles – and this doesn’t mean expensive and Top Billing-ish, it means it should be everything spectacular that you’ve always dreamed about, surrounded by the people you love.

It’s an auspicious event, and the start of your life long journey with your life long partner, and it’s something that indeed needs to be celebrated in these times where love, relationships and family ties have become more like fast moving consumable products, rather than like the “cast in stone” relic it should be. Call me a sentimental dreamer and a hopeless romantic if you will, but I do still believe in happily ever after.